2020 has been an interesting year. Either because of furlough, or the extra hours saved from not commuting, most of us have had a little more time on our hands. Maybe even the first time in years to focus on other things.
It follows that for anyone with vaginismus, lockdown, at a first glance, would be the ideal time to start dilating. Get it done! Come out the other side a sexual goddess with complete control over PC muscles and a new outlook on life….
The reality for most of us has been either:
a) A strange sense of what now/what next/how am I going to make money?
b) A thin-walled house full of flatmates, children, animals, or partners that never leave
c) Both of the above
Not exactly prime time for starting something so personal and challenging, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I genuinely salute anyone who’s used this time to get dilating and has made real progress, because it hasn’t been easy.
Covid-19 aside, it’s always tricky to keep up a new skill – especially one that has so many other hurdles tied to it. Will it hurt forever? Will I ever be able to look at it without cringing? What’s the point in doing this? It’s only human to feel disappointed, but it’s important we give ourselves some slack. Falling off the wagon is normal, and in my opinion, kind of part of the process. If this was a quick fix, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. And like with any kind of sustainable lifestyle change (dieting, mental strength), it happens gradually. One step forward, two steps back, three-month break, epiphany! Wherever you are in the process, just know there’s never really a right or wrong time to pick up those dilators and get back into it. Go for it, or take a break – you’ll know when you’re ready.
Over to Kate…
Taking a break or some time off in any aspects of our lives is not only helpful but often important. The need to take a break when it comes to dilating might be important in terms of you not piling extra pressure on yourself, or pushing yourself to always do more. The difficult thing that many women feel that they will struggle with is not being able to use the dilators again if they step away from them, or 'going back to square one', and so if you do decide to take a 'dilator holiday' then when you return use extra lube and go down a dilator size as a warm up, or just to get started so that you can get reacquainted.
What might be helpful for you to recognise and to try and think about if you need a break, is if it's a bit of time off, or if you are avoiding dilating for another reason; as avoidance, rather than having a break can build up anxiety and fear again.
It might also be helpful if you just need a rest or a dilating holiday, to put a date in your diary to restart, so that you have that as fixed concept, and you know when you will be getting started again. This also helps you in knowing how much time you have and also mentally breaking away from thinking about dilating as you don't have to think about when you will re-start.
Many women don't feel comfortable dilating when they are on their period, and this can then put a pause on dilating every month during that time. If you feel that's the case for you, then either set that monthly time as your break, or use that time for pleasure focused external touch for exploring your vulva or elsewhere on your body - whatever feels good and comfortable for you.